Goodbye Ashley Seaver
by WhatTheF-ckHaveYouDoneLately
Summary: One-shot. If you hate Ashley Seaver, this is the fic for you! Castiel decides the world should have one less nerve grating FBI agent, and guess who that is? One Ashley freaking Seaver. So here is the charming story of how Seaver got smote. Yay!


**Author's Note:**

**If you in any way like Ashley Seaver, this is not the fic for you. If you read it and review with the sole intentions of flaming, have at it. I could use a good laugh. If you hate Ashley effing Seaver with a passion, you're awesome. Ten extra points if you think Castiel is the greatest angel in the world. Got all that? Okay, cool, have a cookie.**

**This is dedicated to my sister, Danielle, better known as drodgers89. You really shouldn't joke about Cas smiting Seaver, you should have known I would write it, sis. But sisterly banter aside, this has got to be one of the most fun one-shots I have ever written. It's one of my very best fantasies written out…well, one of my very best G rated fantasies, that is.**

**There is one more person I would like to dedicate this to. Ashley Seaver, she who tried to replace JJ, she who tried to hit on Reid, she who is so awful that I don't watch CM anymore, she who is a royal bitch with no personality other than the small scrap of personality we've grown to know and hate - This one's for you, sweetie.**

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><p>When Castiel gets bored as of lately, the result tends to be destructive. Or to some people, quite a few actually, the result was quite pleasant. Lets get it out of the way that this pleasant outcome is the death of Ashley Seaver. Yes, I said Ashley Seaver. You can go rejoice and come back to finish reading this if you like, it's what I would do.<p>

Done happy dancing? Good. Let me tell you the heartwarming story of how this blond bitch got smote. A simple tale maybe, but still something to tell your children as a bedtime story. I'm sure it will put them right to sleep. This story, though lacking in the drama and finesse of all notable fairytales, should by all means pleasure those who dislike blond FBI agents that try to hard. This is where I give a discreet cough that sounds vaguely like "Seaver."

As an angel, Castiel tended to wander among people, admiring his Father's creations as a respite from the dark work he had been engaging in recently. This had been going quite well, and he was starting to relax, but then he laid eyes on _her_. Blond hair, blue eyes, and a face that some people might find attractive…if they were blind, that is. He had little knowledge of human standards, but certainly no male in his right mind could look at this woman without being strongly reminded of the rear end of his dog.

Dean would take one look at her, from her designer clothing to her arrogant stride, and most likely scoff and say, "What a bitch" before walking away. Castiel would hasten to agree. He had learned that "bitch" was associated with distasteful women, and if this blond wasn't a fine example of that category then he didn't know what was.

Castiel had become opinionated with age. No more was he the passive, expressionless angel he used to be. Dean had taught him to think for himself, and it was today that he took that to new extremes. Then again, if he was going to open Purgatory and quite possibly destroy the world, shouldn't he at least do humankind one last favor and rid them of this woman? He thought so.

Even he knew that he couldn't smite her in the middle of a crowded sidewalk, so he tracked her back to the facility she worked at. The Behavior Analysis Unit. A group of dedicated, good people determined to protect fellow humans had to work with this _thing_? He immediately felt a stab of pity for them. Those poor souls. Well they wouldn't have to deal with her much longer, for he at least remained humane enough to put the world out of its misery by being in this woman's company.

He went inside her mind and saw that her name was Ashley Seaver. Deeper probing provided more facts, like that she was trying (and miserably failing, in his not so humble opinion) to replace a much more attractive blond agent commonly reffered to as "JJ," and that Ashley had the "hots" (what did that even mean?) for a socially awkward fellow agent named Doctor Spencer Reid. It killed her that he was kind to her but refused to give her the time of day when it came to a relationship.

Even though he had become a blatantly poor example of a true angel, he still respected his Father's children. This one was a disgrace to God's work, an abomination amongst all the other beautiful humans on this Earth. Even Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood, proved to be a better symbolization of humanity than this wretch. The inside of Ashley Seaver's mind disgusted him even more than the exterior of her vessel.

Perhaps it was being around Crowley for too long that had made him more open to randomly killing a human being, but what was one desperate whore in the midst of six billion people? No one would miss her, surely. At least not for more than a few hours. So he opted to appear behind her in the women's bathroom at the BAU. She sucked in a surprised gasp when she saw him and reached for her gun. Such a stupid woman she was. Didn't she know that bullets did nothing to an angel?

"Who are you?" she asked, holding the gun out in front of her.

"Castiel. I am an Angel of the Lord." With that, he bent the end of her handgun down with a somewhat amused smirk. "And you, Ashley Seaver, are a disgrace to the beauty of this planet. Sam and Dean Winchester didn't stop the Apocalypse simply so things like you could roam the Earth."

Seaver tossed her ruined gun aside and planted a hard roundhouse kick to his stomach, but he heard the snapping of bones crunch under the impact. He watched her with open amusement, clutching her foot and trying to remain balanced on her unbroken one. No wonder Crowley killed people as a hobby. This was fun. But sadly he had to be returning to his work soon, so as the humans would say - playtime was over.

He placed two fingers on her forehead, and white light emanated from her pores. With a bright flash that did no harm to his retinas given that he was an angel, she dropped to the floor, dead. There. It had taken the majority of the day, but he was finally relaxed. He'd done this world a favor.

"What took you so long, angel?" Crowley asked when he finally arrived at the demon's interrogation room.

"I was disposing of a human."

Crowley smiled. "Was it fun?"

Surprisingly, Castiel smiled back. "Immensely."


End file.
